How to Teach Taking Turns

If you have a toddler, you likely struggle with helping your child take turns!

Does this sound familiar? Playdates feel like a constant battle of making sure your child doesn’t take toys from other kids, resolving conflict usually related to sharing toys, and calming tantrums when your child doesn’t get what they want!

Know that this is developmentally normal for toddlers because they are egocentric which means their thoughts and actions revolve around themselves. They have not yet developmentally learned to understand or think about others feeling and how their actions affect others.

So let’s talk about how we can start to introduce the concept of taking turns to our toddlers.

There are 2 important concepts a child needs to learn to successfully take turns.

1. is understanding when something is available to use and when something is not available. Going along with that you must set the boundary that we only use things that are available.

I teach this to my daughter by saying “if a friend is touching something then it is not available.” This gives a clear boundary of when something is being used or not and reinforces the idea that we don’t take things out of people’s hands.

If she tries to take something from another kid I say, “that’s not available right now, let’s find something that is available! Look around the room what toy is available to use?”

2. This leads to concept #2. As your child gets older, redirecting behavior or distracting with another toy will begin to not satisfy them. This is when you teaching how to ask for a turn. I would prompt her to ask “can I have a turn when you are done?” In my house the receiver of the question is expected to say yes.

This gives respect to both children! So now the the child wanting the toy knows he will get a turn while the child playing with the toy knows someone is waiting for a turn but doesn’t get the toy taken away. Refrain from forcing a child to share or end their turn on your terms versus theirs. 

I want to note that this concept is best taught to a 2ish year old and while it can be taught young I wouldn’t expect a child to be very good in practice until 3-4ish

The best way to teach these concepts is to model and role play at home. So for example: If your child is playing with a toy, go up and ask “can I play with that toy when you are done?” You are modeling for them. Being an example is the best way to teach children.

You can also prompt them when the occasion arrives. For example if they take something out of your hand you can say, “I’m sorry I am using that, it is not available right now. Would you like a turn when I am done?”

While teaching taking turns and not forcing sharing can seem like you are teaching your child to be selfish, it is actually developmentally appropriate. Children ages 0-6 years old are egocentric which means their thought and actions revolve around themselves. They are not capable of seeing a situation from another's point of view. That is why forcing a child to share or give up their turn would not be age appropriate. 

As children get older their brain will develop to better understand sharing.

To learn more ways to teach taking turns and other Montessori discipline techniques click the link below👇🏽

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